Dear Pants that do not fit!

Dear Pants that do not fit,

I hate your stinking guts, you make me vomit, your scuuuuuuuuum between my toes!

You sit in that drawer that I rarely open,it's been your home for a few years now, talking all your crap about how I will never fit you!  Then on the days I feel as if I should try and put you on... you refuse to go pass my thighs and laugh histerically at me.  You get that smug look on your face, you know when the button and the hole dont reach eachother, and then you taunt me even more when I cant zipper, even laying down.  You and your relatives in that little cozy house of yours will soon be evicted!!!! I will shut you up with a simple snap of a button and zip of a zipper!!! Then just to piss you off I will walk, run, and even dance with you on!  ahh I can see it clearly, VICTORY will be mine again just as I told scale in doctors office!  If I were you I would sleep with one eye open!

Dear scale at doctors office

Dear scale at doctors office,

So I think you might have been sick today, maybe you weren't "ALL THERE"?, Couple loose screws??. ANYWAYS.........

 I sat in the waiting room knowing  I would soon have to face you in a few moments, I walked through the door and there you were in the corner just waiting for me.  I dragged my feet as I made my way to you, because quite frankly I really don't care to much for you.  I put my purse down on the chair, emptied my pockets, and took off my sandals ( lightening the load) and then I slowly stepped on you. A few seconds later you spit back a number that couldn't be right! Unfortunatley, there wasn't time for a double check! It was over I was defeated and once again you WON!  So I'm writting you today to let you know that the next time I pay your sorry self a visit VICTORY will be mine buwahahhahahahahaha.